For Me Fighting the Impossible Worked True
I am currently fighting the tumour in my brain that might bring me down anytime now or who knows on when it will catch up on me. I maybe in a hopeless situation you would say that no one would trade their dear life with my one even for a million dollar lottery win, ooops, I haven’t win anything yet, ha ha. But I tell you getting my life back out of the impossible for nearly three years now can never be exchanged for any big time time lottery winning ever. Why because life is so precious more than money, you would fight to preserve it longer if possible. But others who succumbed to eternal life, my dear close friends who had the same illness and gone now are blessed with something else, may they rest in peace. God’s thoughts are not our thoughts his ways are not our ways I have already resigned my life in his hands, (Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God”) now I am fully rejuvenated so comforting.
Realization that hits me
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace –
only that it meets us where we are
but does not leave us where it found us
(Anne Lamott)
· When tragedy hits hard and steal your days, just breathe, pray, resisting can sap your strength for the fight. Over the years the wonderful grace of God meets you anywhere, everywhere. Whether in New Zealand or back home in the Philippines or elsewhere, where the will of God leads you , the grace of God will keep you. I was never abandoned been through a lot am still standing fine.
· When you hit rock bottom always somebody, something comes along to lift you up, it is God’s providence. Family, friends, church mates, acquaintances brings help tangible and intangible they are priceless. Loving thoughts and prayers that energizes your weary soul.
· When in the brink of death nothing really matters but your relationship with God. Every after consciousness from major big operations, I had three from spinal to brain. You are hooked up with all the breathing gadgets from head to toe, you can’t move, speak, only your eyes are moving. But your brain is fully conscious, if you have weak relationship with God, you will give in to life. With faith that He is by your side no matter what, you feel secured, at ease, no matter how big is the pain you’ll get by. Anyway you can’t do anything, everything is beyond your control, you will just be drifting in and out of consciousness. Then waking up I am so thankful I am still able to see the sunrise out of my room window, feels surreal.
Springing Back to Life Catching Up with My Lost Time
I am a picture of health today, good form, healthy appetite, with a profound sanity. The illness I thought that would bring me down brought tremendous blessings to me, my family and friends. I maybe carrying the illness till it gets tired of me and flee away (it still lingers) but one thing is for sure it may weakened my bones and slowed me but it will never beat me and crushed my spirit.
Catching up with my lost time actually it is just a well deserved rest for two years, been working hard for almost 32 years, started young (am a workaholic). A break from stress at work, no waking up at dawn running for my train to the city job rain or shine, snowing, hail or gale, cyclone, hurricane or earthquake, I was spared.
You will still say, no thanks, but that’s not all, the beautiful thing is that I was made to ponder seriously in life and had a beautiful awakening. Just by merely communicating intimately with God through prayers, studying and following his words of wisdom for my own protection and comfort, I was made whole again. He is always at work in my life, never stopping, I am in awe for every gift of life everyday.
What have I missed and lost overtime?
1. Do I missed seeing my other families, relatives, friends and acquaintances? In the flesh yes, but I do get to see and talk to them at Skype regularly even thousand miles apart. I have my email, yahoo messenger and Facebook, thank God for the technology. I can talk to them at the internet anytime as frequent as I can.
2. The socials and active lifestyle – I am through partying, do not smoke nor drink, so I am fine. Thinking more now on how can I be an effective homemaker inspite of my limited capacity thrills me more than going out, love to pamper my household.
3. Hanging out with friends and people – silence is golden to me these days, I love reading, writing my simple articles, blogging. I have found an interesting sharper profound sanity, God cannot be outdone I am enjoying the solitude.
4. Earning big bucks? – reality check the more I earn the greater is my need and cannot get enough. When I was emptied providence comes and help poured in. I do not know how but as always grace comes along and we were never lacking at least on basics. I was disciplined and stripped of a lot of unnecessary luxuries I can live without. Sometimes less is more.
5. Shopping and modern gadgets – yeah my husband and I missed hitting the shops and keeping up with the toys for big boys, but realized how blessed we are in New Zealand others are in dire hardships. You simply cannot spend much at the thought of other people in need it is cruel.
Practically I am still living a charmed life, pampered by my love ones family and all. I am giving back to God my lost time of being alone with Him much longer in all my conscious hours. It is never too late, whatever good I do for you and anyone else with all truth and sincerity, I am doing it all for my one true God who made me fight the impossible and bring the good out of my worst circumstances. With Him all things are possible I need not fear the future, I am all set for many many years of service to the world.
Wonderful life ahead everyone!
 |
| My churchmates and bible study group, my lifeline |
